Yesterday I consider as the worst natural disaster that directly hit me in my entire life.  Sure Mt. Pinatubo’s eruption was the most awesome, but aside from the white ash and the ominous 2pm night-like darkness, it was nothing to me.

This was reality in front of me.

At first we really didn’t mind the stormy weather outside since we were warm and cozy inside, listening to the weather and all.  It all really went haywire when suddenly the normally stream-like water outside the house began to rise like hell out of high water.  We had to bring up equipment and stuff higher and higher until we ended up bringing our TV set and refrigerator up to the second floor (among other things of course)… and we were thinking even that wasn’t enough.  We also had to shut off the circuit breakers in the fusebox before the floodwaters reached it, and then we literally waited out the storm.

[ Other highlights yesterday included a neighbor of mine just across the street asking for help in carrying out an infant to safety;  I think they got the baby out into a floating refrigerator (sort of like a makeshift boat). ]

After the initial panic though, things were a bit boring, but there wasn’t much we could do other than listen to the radio, eat rations and sleep.  Once the floodwaters receded, power was back on, and fortunately I still got to have Internet access since this is the only PC in the house that uses SmartBro antenna (the rest of the house is routed to a broadband connection, which normally is faster and better, but apparently doesn’t exactly work when the lines are underwater… I think… anyway point is, the rest of the house has no Internet at the moment).

Nothing else to do now but assess the damage and get back our lives.

Oh and I’m very pleased to find that in spite of our differences, my brothers and I were able to work together for a common goal, and quite well I might add.  I just hope we don’t need natural disasters such as this for my siblings and I to bond.

(I’ll have to keep it quick and sweet as I’m in a bit of a rush)

http://ragnaboards.levelupgames.ph/index.php?s=&showtopic=84497&view=findpost&p=3335733

As I was typing this over at the Ragnaboards forums I thought, “What if I had the chance to remake RO from the ground up, specifically regarding the classes?”  Here are my ideas, which I may expound upon in a future post (if not in several future posts):

Novice - beginner class

Swordsman - sword trainee, excels at close range single target killing
Spearman - spear trainee, excels at close range group target killing
Magician - arcane magic trainee
Acolyte - trainee for the divine arts
Merchant - trader
Thief - pilfering trainee
Archer - bow trainee
Taekwon - martial arts trainee
Ninja - oriental spy & assassin
Gunslinger - gunner
Super Novice - jack of all trades, master of none

From Swordsman:
Soldier - defensive (flexible) sword-wielder (turns to Battle Commander)
Blade Master - offensive sword-wielder (turns to Berzerker)

From Spearman:
Knight - defensive spear-wielder (turns to Lord Knight)
Cavalier - offensive (flexible) spear-wielder (turns to Templar Knight)

From Magician:
Wizard - specializes in slow casting yet powerful elemental magic (turns to Elementalist who has even more devastating spells that cast faster than Wizard spells)
Sage - specializes in the essence of magic (turns into Scholar, who use the knowledge to their utmost)
Alchemist - specializes in potions
Sorcerer - has no specialization, but can cast spells faster than any other spellcaster

From Acolyte:
Priest - support
Exorcist - offense

From Merchant:
Weaponsmith - weapon crafter (turns to Artillery Engineer since they’d be working on heavy weaponry such as the Howitzer)
Armorer - armor crafter (turns to Mechanic since they’d be working on heavy armor vehicles such as the Tank)

From Thief:
Rogue - enhanced thieving skills
Assassin - offense-oriented

From Archer:
Hunter - wanderer of the wild
Bard, Dancer - wanderers of the roads
Bowman - military trained, and thus is somewhat better equipped at dealing with close combat (turns to Crossbowman)

From Taekwon:
Monk, Taekwon Master - oriental warriors
Shaman - support

Essentially all would reach level 150, but the skills they would each possess would be greatly varied, yet at the same time they would compliment each other.  Magicians sorely need more than 2 2nd jobs since magic is a very specialized artform that cannot truly be taught by only 2 schools; in fact, there should be a Necromancer, Pyromancer, Geomancer, Diviner, Conjurer, etc. etc. etc.

The reason why I didn’t give all of them a 3rd job is that not all would have a *need* for such; some would have more job skill points than others, and thus would train for longer but would be rewarded for doing so.

May main ire with regards to Ragnarok making the Sorcerer a 3rd class rather than a 2nd class is that Sorcerers don’t often train to be such, most of them are such.  Magician training is more of a formality as Sorcerers are already, in a way, *made* of magic, and thus don’t need to specialize in any way, and it’s more common to see sorcerers who just become sorcerers than sorcerers who trained to become sorcerers.

Although one must also accept the idea that there are also various specializations in each field, so many are they in fact that it would be very difficult to classify them all.

Still, the idea is there…

You are The Magician

Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.

Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing, you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

What Tarot Card are You? Take the Test to Find Out.

Interesting… By the way, I got this from my friend’s blogsite, check it out here: http://thehighwinds.wordpress.com/

Just curious, which is better: loving someone you may never have, or being with someone you may never love?  And could you state why you said so?

(maybe I should make a poll, but maybe you guys should just send a message to me instead http://profiles.friendster.com/sapphiremagic )

For me, it’s better to love someone you may never have because they could inspire you to do great works and live a happy life since love for me is the bond that reinforces trust, and not necessarily all that mushy gushy stuff that usually just leads to sex anyway.  If you live with someone you can never love, the problem is that you will never be happy with that person because there is no love, no trust between you two.

How can you love someone you can’t trust, and how sure is your trust if there is no (brotherly/sisterly/friendly/motherly/fatherly/whatever) love for the that person?

In case you were wondering, yes I do consider sex and love as very different.  Sex is the act of procreation (take note that lust is merely an excessive desire for sex, so for some reason I don’t really consider it as a major sin, just too much of a good thing), while love goes FAR deeper than sex, just like loyalty, trust, and other ties that bind us to others emotionally, spiritually and mentally (sometimes physically too ).  You can have sex without love, and you can have love without sex.

Damn ants… it’s bad enough that I’m working with what can be considered an aging computer, but now I find dozens of ants living inside the keyboard.  Sure you *could* blame me or my brother for eating in front of the computer, but apparently that isn’t really the case…

… because when I opened the keyboard, I inspected the rubbers underneath the keyboard (as well as the odd dust that suddenly formed inside the keyboard) and I realized that the ants are eating the rubber underneath the keys, essentially destroying the device.

This is one of two keyboards that got affected; this one originally just lost the 1 and shift button but now lost the f as well [they can still be used but at a great loss of efficiency, you have to literally slam your finger on them just to work... sometimes...], the other one lost at least the s, at least before I opened it up and disassembled it improperly, destroying the entire keyboard (at least I can salvage the rubber I guess).

This is such an annoying turn of events.

I haven’t felt this in a LONG time, really.  Even though right now I’m still able to smile at my friends, deep inside I’m torn apart, shattered by the turn of events in my life.

The woman I cared for all these years, will not be there for me in the end.

At first I thought it was all her fault: she said she had a bf before we met, and that for five years they were together.  I got angry, and confused, especially when she brought him to her parents and introduced him to her.  I was even more confused about the guy when he kept giving her gifts and helped her financially.

So how was I to know that when she said "bf" she meant "best friend"?

In the end… it was my fault we broke up.  I couldn’t trust her enough, I couldn’t love her enough.  I ended up listening to hearsay, when I should have listened to her.  But most of all, I humiliated her in public when I shouldn’t have.

I don’t know what came over me then, really.  I try to put things to reason, to perspective… but it all just falls apart over and over again.  Why did I have to scold her when neither of us were at fault?  Why was I so angry then?  And why am I still so angry… at myself?

Regardless, I cannot regret the decisions I’ve made.  They are my decisions, and I must take responsibility for them.  If I live in regret, I will never move forward.  I will not deny my pain, but understand and accept it.

I am sad, I am hurt, I am still confused and in a slump.  But hopefully in the end I can bring myself to smile in the inside once more.

I will never forget you Mary, my baby, my love forever.

When I heard the news earlier that one of my grandpa’s siblings, Tita Baby, died this morning, time almost stopped for me because she was my favorite among all his siblings; it wasn’t a complete stop, perhaps because I knew deep inside that it really was her time, so even though I mourn in silence I am at peace.

I must admit, with the exception of the Malabonga side and some members of the Mingoa side of my family, most of my relatives I am rather unfamiliar with. Tita Baby and her daughter TIta Bonbon would be two exceptions however (the focus of this blog entry is Tita Baby however so I’ll focus on her). The Tita Baby I knew even before was always vibrant and happy especially when I greeted her. She was always excitedly chatting with me and kept asking me to pass by their house some time. I somewhat regret not taking up her offers, but regretting about the past never helped the living nor the dead.

One of the things I’d miss the most about her is the way she appreciated my singing
Events like these really remind you of the frailty of the human body, as well as the importance of living a pious, healthy life. I wish I could iterate more on this but right now I’m truly at a loss of words.

May she rest in peace in the kingdom of our Lord.

I’m beginning to forget some parts of the dream as I type, but I do remember chasing after some bad guys (I think they kidnapped my leading lady), when I followed them to a building with a lovely garden.  There I saw my high school crush and long time friend Princess in a bright yellow silk outfit (it was a simple thing, kinda like what they wear in those Chinese movies) practicing what looked like Qi Gong or some other unarmed martial art.  I remember telling her that I liked her but I had to get past her… so we fought, she unarmed, I with two short bamboo sticks that were shorter than what’s usually used in arnis.  After defeating her, I entered the practice of a play and seemed to watch the rest of the dream like I was watching a movie (out of body).

They were rehearsing a play (that had real life fire, and LOTS of it), so I was there going around the entire backdrop of the set, looking for the woman I was supposed to rescue.  I ended up going around the entire set a second time, as bald monks with katanas began to chase me around (I actually ended up slamming myself on a wall as I was supposed to climb up a fire-blasting chimney, pretty funny really :p ).

I eventually got the whole thing done (and was back in my own body thankfully), and found myself holding this nifty looking blade; it resembled a combination of kitchen knives we have at home — thin-bladed, smooth but MUCH more funky-looking — and had certain etchings, I couldn’t read them in my dream but I do know they were readable.  It was owned by this completely bald aged man, resembled a sort of ambassador or movie director or CEO. I recognized the value of the sword, and bowed down reverently as I returned the blade to him.

For some reason, shortly afterwards my right hand got cut by a serrated blade, and my middle finger was so badly cut it began to bend opposite of where it ought to bend (it was as if the skin and muscle were slightly cut out with the bone still intact, causing it to dangle yet I had full control over the finger as if it wasn’t cut… and oddly enough there wasn’t any blood).  At first I asked the CEO if he had any of his medicinal herbs or something, and he just walked away looking side to side, boarding what seemed to be a train.  I found myself in a WIDE grassy park with what looked like the fountain/pond in Luneta Park in Manila (without the map).  I was looking for help with that cut finger of mine but my family ignored me, so I went to a clinic.

In the clinic they had food being sold (with yellow boxes having 69 and 39 on them), and there was a LONG line of patients waiting.  The doctor and nurse seemed to be doing their usual thing taking blood pressure and such, but it was their attendant, an old gray-haired person calling out their names, who was a bit of an odd fellow, as he was able to say the name and ailment of each and every person who was next in line, without reading anything or knowing any of them.

And all this time there was me at the side of the doctor and nurse, with my finger still dangling, waiting for treatment… and I was still waiting even after I woke up (I thought it was 1am, turns out it was 5:30am).

Several times have I dreamed of dying, but this is the first time I’ve dreamed of dying from a snake bite… three different snakes really, it’s just that in the first part of the dream I got bitten by two snakes almost at the same time, while shortly before waking I got bitten by yet another snake.

In the first half of my dream a friend of mine, as well as myself, were exploring a rocky coastline for shellfish.  His house, a small wooden shack, had a spider’s lair that was shaped like a green tube/horn and was located nearby.  We were chatting with each other, having a ball (I even laughed while he got an empty shell and pretended that his head was being eaten by it), I got bitten first by a sea serpent, then by another snake (I remember something like blue and red — or was it green instead of red? — snakes biting me).  While the venom was working up my legs, I was still able to crawl up to the shack where my friend’s family became panicky and tried to treat my wounds.  While I was shivering I heard a radio announcer proclaim that "in an unprecedented turn of events, a man was bitten not once, but twice in the same day," or something to that effect.  They left me, even Mary — who I somehow recognized, although she was the last to leave me, to call for help — and so while I was alone I decided to meditate, at first to try and do the miraculous: use my own willpower to get rid of the poisons.

In the end however, it was impossible for me to get rid of the venom, and while I was meditating, a third snake came up to me and finished me off.  People found me dead, staring out into the ocean, with a sort of peace both within and without as if I died painlessly.

Maybe I should have prayed instead of meditated?

It’s 2:21am, February 29, 2008.